I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize