Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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