i think my mom watched the whole time
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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