He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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