I heard we made out
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
