He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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