Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
