she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
