I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
