you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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