can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
