Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
