Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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