Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
