He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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