What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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