ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
