I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
