; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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