How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
