I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
