I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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