And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
