He had one of those small greek statue penises
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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