I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
