yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
