I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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