Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
