i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize