Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
