Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
