after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
