well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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