I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
