corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just had sex on a roof
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
