oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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