Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
