we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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