Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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