Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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