new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
