Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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