I'm sorry my penis didn't work
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
