Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
