Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
