Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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