I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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