No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
