so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
