im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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