Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
