I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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