Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
