; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jerry, you need to find god
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
