wanna go halves on a baby?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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