Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
