Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
