You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
