I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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