I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize