The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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