I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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