so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
