the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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