Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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