Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
