Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
