my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
