My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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