so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
love makes seman taste better
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
