We won't sleep together?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
