Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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