I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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