She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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