butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
