Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
