You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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