I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
